You Say You Want a Revolution

You might criticize me because I am a white female with a Master's degree. What do I have to worry about? Believe me - a lot. I work my ass off every day of the week so that I can feel like I am contributing something. I am trying to work in my "expert" field, but that just isn't happening right now. Every day I think about the loans that I will have to start paying in a few months. Each day I think about all the time that I spent in school. Do I regret it? Not really because it made me the person I am to do. But, when I look at the bill and I look at my bank account, I wonder what it all was for.

I'm tired. No...I am sick and tired of the current situation. I am tired that young people were told they should go to college to make better opportunities for their lives. What actually happens? You go to college not knowing what you want to do. You go and major in something like "Art History" or "History" or "Literature" or "Communications" because you really have no idea what you want to do or you are told to follow you "passion." Well you know what, what they should say is "Is your passion worth $100,000.00+ ?" The whole time you sign your signature on a paper, but you really aren't educated about how much your education is costing you and what it will do to the rest of your life.

You then get out of college and there are NO jobs. I got a M.F.A. and I have many intelligent, educated, and supposedly lucky friends. Really? Are we the lucky ones? None of us can find a job. And the ones that do are working 3 or 4 jobs. We are struggling to pay loans that will take a minimum of 30 years to pay off. And most of my friends have still never had the opportunity to take a moment to figure out what they actually want to do. How could you have the time to work on yourself? You are too busy working and figuring out how you can move out of your parents house or not rely on them to help you pay your rent. We have created a society of 20 somethings that are miserable and it isn't fair.

This has nothing to do with Obama (well, a bit) because he is NOT the only one to blame. It goes back to Reagan and then moved forward from there as we racked up more and more debt and allowed corporate greed to grown and grow. Corporations don't care about you. They don't care about the fact that you will eat peanut butter and jelly every week until you are 40 (well, I happen to like pb&j). They don't care that all you can afford to eat is fast food and then you start to ruin your health. They don't care that when you get sick, you have to worry about how you can afford to take care of yourself. All they care about is how they are going to profit from your misery.

So..YOU need to care. And to those of you that are making fun of the Occupy Wall Street protestors - shame on you! Even if you have a job, you are part of the 99%. You will never have what your parents had or their parents had. I feel bad that you can't recognize that people are robbing you every day of the week. Shame to the police who are abusing their power, because the protestors are fighting for them too. Men and women who are supposed to protect and serve us but we don't give them the proper money for it.

Figure out what it is YOU can do - something has to change. Educate yourself.

Will I encourage my children to go to college when they are older? Probably not - only if they want a certain skill like a doctor or a lawyer. I am a firm believer in self-education and that you don't need a stupid piece of paper to show that you "know" something. People should get a job and work and then go to school if they find out it is what they need to do.

Sure, money can't buy you happiness, but the lack of it sure can cause a lot of anxiety.

Lessons from the Week

So, it is over a week later. And, guess what? I didn't use my credit cards. The universe even found some extra money to toss at me as I am going down this path. And I have to say, budgeting money makes me appreciate things a little more than I have done in the past. There are so many free things to do and so many wonderful conversations to have - who needs the newest gadget?

So little ways that I have decided to save...
1) The movies. I pay for Netflix every month. So, if I am just patient and wait for movies to come out, I don't waste money at the movies. And then when Harry Potter comes out....
2) Not eating out so much. I looked at the way I waste my money and it is really spent a lot on food. And if you have ever gone out to eat with me, you know that I NEVER finish my food. So I'm wondering how much money I have wated on food over the years. It makes me think more about what I am eating.
3) Cooking at home. Some people hate to do this. I have learned that I love it. It is another way to meditate. And then you can freeze it and have food for the future! I may not be an amazing cook, but I have been told that my food is very good. I'm learning new tricks here and there and experimenting with new foods.
4) Not going to Target. This may seem strange but it makes so much sense. The point of stores like Target and Walmart are that they are a one-stop-shop. But, the problem with them is that they are designed in a way to make you buy things that you didn't even think of. The aisles are designed to make you walk a certain way. The light is placed just in the right spot. They want you to spend money! So when I need a toothbrush, I just go to the drug store instead of the Superstore.

Continuing down my path of living within my means...

Challenge: Living Within My Means

I am posting this on here, so that if I don't follow through with the challenge, I have to confess and hide my head in shame. :-p

In college, I didn't care about my finances. I thought people who talked about saving money and having a budget were boring. In Grad School I said "crap, I should have cared about my finances so that I don't have to use a credit card so much." Now, I'm looking at my numbers and seeing that I need to start fixing some things. In a few months I will have student loans to pay, two credit card bills, and I want to start giving my mother more money for rent, etc. There is no possible way I will be able to move out anytime soon, but there is a way that I can work towards a goal. I NEED to LIVE WITHIN MY MEANS. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I do not have a living situation where people have an unlimited amount of money to pay for my life - even if I did, I don't think that I would want that.

So, I'm starting off small and training myself for the marathon. For one week, I will NOT USE MY CREDIT CARD. They will only be used in the case of an EMERGENCY. Now, what is an emergency....being stranded on the highway is pretty much the only thing I can think of at this point. I already pay above the minimum payment, but it will never go down if I keep on swiping. At the end of the first part of this test of wills, when I get my next pay check, I will use whatever is left over in the bank and put it towards the card with the highest interest.

I've made mistakes, there is nothing I can do now, but work towards fixing them. I have a dream and a goal that one day I am going to live a life without any credit cards. I'm going to go against the American way in this case and really strive to live WITHIN MY MEANS!

Wish me luck.

Long Time...No Post

So it has been a very long time since I wrote anything on here. I just got so caught up in the end of the school year and all that comes with it. As of now, I have graduated from The Actors Studio Drama School with an MFA in Acting.

Right now, I'm starting the audition thing again. It is discouraging at times, but I know that something is in store for me, I just have to keep going out and searching for it. I'm still working part time. I'm finishing up my yoga certification. And I'm just looking for small jobs on the side.

People ask me what I got a degree for if I am just going to be working part-time jobs for now...Well, this is just temporary. I need to figure things out. I need to do the audition thing so I don't regret things down the road. I'm not a person who is interested in getting rich, I'm just interested in getting my finances together within the next few weeks and being able to get by. Pay some rent, pay some credit card bills, and eat every now and then....and, oh yeah, deal with student loans when they begin to give my an ulcer.

I'm reading this book called "The Renaissance Soul" and realizing that it talks about my life. I am never going to be the person who has a 9-5 job and there is nothing wrong with that. Certain people will never understand it, but that is ok. You don't have to understand - you can just be supportive. I have so many interests in life and have so many things that I am good at that I am going to be just fine.

I hope you all are well. I miss people.

Stay positive.

Gratitude

About a month ago I started a Gradtitude Journal. I keep it right next to my bed and every night I write at least 5 things that happened that day for which I am thankful. With the exception of two nights, I have kept on writing.

I have heard of this idea in many different forms over the years. So I'm doing my own version. It's helping me to put things in perspective and making me realize what a lucky person I am. Even on the days that it is hard to come up with 5 things, it is just as rewarding as the days that I am able to write 20. It also helps me to realize how silly and petty certain things are, and I am able to really just let go of the negative.

On another note....my website is driving me crazy! I am trying to get it to launch and I can't. It is the one thing that is really frustrating. But, I shall learn eventually.

It's Been Such a Long Time

It has been a very long time since I wrote on this thing. It mostly has to do with the fact that school is crazy, I was very sick, and once winter break came, I just needed a lot of time to work on myself.

So here I am. Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester of school...for now ;-). And here I am procrastinating like I always do. Some things will never change I guess. But, I have changed a lot. After dealing with being extremely sick from the minute I walked in the door on the last day of last semester until New Year's, and then having some horrific stomach virus/food poisoning...I have made it. I've done a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks and have learned some really great things about myself.

I have finally made some decisions that will allow me to make a path for myself over the next few months for when I graduate. I'm trying to get several documents together so I can apply to be an Adjunct Professor at a few different schools. Or maybe I can get a few different teaching gigs. I have been doing a lot of networking over the past few works so I am feeling a little more positive about things. I sit everyday and envision what life will be like once I am done with school because I believe that if we have faith in ourselves, our goals will actually happen.

I have been dealing with a few difficult situations over the past few weeks, but I have learned to be content with the way things are and know that it will all be alright eventually. I have learned that people make mistakes and things might not be exactly what we thought they were, but we just keep moving forward. It is all part of some great plan that God has made just for me.

Another great thing that I have done is the "21 Days of Yoga" challenge. Tomorrow is the last day. I have practiced every single day except one due to an emergency. The benefits have been amazing. I feel wonderful and have realized the divinity in myself that God has created, and it has allowed me to really changed my relationships with people. I noticed that I am more willing to help. I am not as quickly angered. I am less likely to judge someone. And I could just go on and on. My teacher training is going wonderfully. I am getting more and more confident as the days go by. I'm excited to learn so many more great things.

Tomorrow is a new day. We shall see what happens. But, what I do know is the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I am going to be from this day forward. I can't change anyone and I can no longer do everything for everyone. I am putting myself first and allowing myself and my work to grow.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

The Unexpected Miracle of Meditation

As you all know, I LOVE yoga. I have mostly just concentrated on the asana part of it, but now that it is becoming a bigger part of my life, other aspects are slowly becoming a part of my daily routine.

As part of my last weekend at teacher training, I had to develope a home practice. This is something that I have struggled with, mostly because I am a perfectionist. "If you can't do it right, then don't do it at all." But then I realized...what is right about a home practice?

So I put out my mat, put on Shiva Rae, and jumped on. I chose to do a lunar practice, which did wonders for what I needed that day. After the asana practice was over, I decided that I would meditate today.

But, I hate meditating. I really do. I get all jumpy and think about ten thousand things. But, I was determined that today was going to be the day that I just sit on my pillow and not judge anything. So, I decided to use my mala beads for help this time. I used the "Lokah samasta sukhino bavantu" mantra. For those of you that don't know what mala beads are, they are basically what rosary beads came from. You use them to guide your meditation. So I sat there and said my mantra 108 times. At the start all I kept wondering was when this was going to finish. But something strange happened toward the end. As I got lost in the words of the mantra, someone's face started to appear in front of me. He had the biggest smile I have ever seen; he made me smile. Then I felt as if that person was hugging me and saying "Don't worry. You are doing exactly what you need to do." And then he laughed. And as I sat there I wondered "Who is this man? Where do I know this face from? It is a face that is so familiar to me?" Then I realized...it was Neem Karoli Baba (Maharaj-ji)! Of course he would come to me while I said this mantra!

It was such a powerful experience that I began to cry and cry and cry. They were not tears of sorrow, but they were not tears of joy either. It was just something that was pouring out of me. If you are unfamiliar with this mantra it means:

"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and that freedom for all."

So...I will be meditating from now on and just maybe I will get a glimpse of that joyous face for just one more instant. Peace to all of you!