You Say You Want a Revolution

You might criticize me because I am a white female with a Master's degree. What do I have to worry about? Believe me - a lot. I work my ass off every day of the week so that I can feel like I am contributing something. I am trying to work in my "expert" field, but that just isn't happening right now. Every day I think about the loans that I will have to start paying in a few months. Each day I think about all the time that I spent in school. Do I regret it? Not really because it made me the person I am to do. But, when I look at the bill and I look at my bank account, I wonder what it all was for.

I'm tired. No...I am sick and tired of the current situation. I am tired that young people were told they should go to college to make better opportunities for their lives. What actually happens? You go to college not knowing what you want to do. You go and major in something like "Art History" or "History" or "Literature" or "Communications" because you really have no idea what you want to do or you are told to follow you "passion." Well you know what, what they should say is "Is your passion worth $100,000.00+ ?" The whole time you sign your signature on a paper, but you really aren't educated about how much your education is costing you and what it will do to the rest of your life.

You then get out of college and there are NO jobs. I got a M.F.A. and I have many intelligent, educated, and supposedly lucky friends. Really? Are we the lucky ones? None of us can find a job. And the ones that do are working 3 or 4 jobs. We are struggling to pay loans that will take a minimum of 30 years to pay off. And most of my friends have still never had the opportunity to take a moment to figure out what they actually want to do. How could you have the time to work on yourself? You are too busy working and figuring out how you can move out of your parents house or not rely on them to help you pay your rent. We have created a society of 20 somethings that are miserable and it isn't fair.

This has nothing to do with Obama (well, a bit) because he is NOT the only one to blame. It goes back to Reagan and then moved forward from there as we racked up more and more debt and allowed corporate greed to grown and grow. Corporations don't care about you. They don't care about the fact that you will eat peanut butter and jelly every week until you are 40 (well, I happen to like pb&j). They don't care that all you can afford to eat is fast food and then you start to ruin your health. They don't care that when you get sick, you have to worry about how you can afford to take care of yourself. All they care about is how they are going to profit from your misery.

So..YOU need to care. And to those of you that are making fun of the Occupy Wall Street protestors - shame on you! Even if you have a job, you are part of the 99%. You will never have what your parents had or their parents had. I feel bad that you can't recognize that people are robbing you every day of the week. Shame to the police who are abusing their power, because the protestors are fighting for them too. Men and women who are supposed to protect and serve us but we don't give them the proper money for it.

Figure out what it is YOU can do - something has to change. Educate yourself.

Will I encourage my children to go to college when they are older? Probably not - only if they want a certain skill like a doctor or a lawyer. I am a firm believer in self-education and that you don't need a stupid piece of paper to show that you "know" something. People should get a job and work and then go to school if they find out it is what they need to do.

Sure, money can't buy you happiness, but the lack of it sure can cause a lot of anxiety.

Lessons from the Week

So, it is over a week later. And, guess what? I didn't use my credit cards. The universe even found some extra money to toss at me as I am going down this path. And I have to say, budgeting money makes me appreciate things a little more than I have done in the past. There are so many free things to do and so many wonderful conversations to have - who needs the newest gadget?

So little ways that I have decided to save...
1) The movies. I pay for Netflix every month. So, if I am just patient and wait for movies to come out, I don't waste money at the movies. And then when Harry Potter comes out....
2) Not eating out so much. I looked at the way I waste my money and it is really spent a lot on food. And if you have ever gone out to eat with me, you know that I NEVER finish my food. So I'm wondering how much money I have wated on food over the years. It makes me think more about what I am eating.
3) Cooking at home. Some people hate to do this. I have learned that I love it. It is another way to meditate. And then you can freeze it and have food for the future! I may not be an amazing cook, but I have been told that my food is very good. I'm learning new tricks here and there and experimenting with new foods.
4) Not going to Target. This may seem strange but it makes so much sense. The point of stores like Target and Walmart are that they are a one-stop-shop. But, the problem with them is that they are designed in a way to make you buy things that you didn't even think of. The aisles are designed to make you walk a certain way. The light is placed just in the right spot. They want you to spend money! So when I need a toothbrush, I just go to the drug store instead of the Superstore.

Continuing down my path of living within my means...

Challenge: Living Within My Means

I am posting this on here, so that if I don't follow through with the challenge, I have to confess and hide my head in shame. :-p

In college, I didn't care about my finances. I thought people who talked about saving money and having a budget were boring. In Grad School I said "crap, I should have cared about my finances so that I don't have to use a credit card so much." Now, I'm looking at my numbers and seeing that I need to start fixing some things. In a few months I will have student loans to pay, two credit card bills, and I want to start giving my mother more money for rent, etc. There is no possible way I will be able to move out anytime soon, but there is a way that I can work towards a goal. I NEED to LIVE WITHIN MY MEANS. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I do not have a living situation where people have an unlimited amount of money to pay for my life - even if I did, I don't think that I would want that.

So, I'm starting off small and training myself for the marathon. For one week, I will NOT USE MY CREDIT CARD. They will only be used in the case of an EMERGENCY. Now, what is an emergency....being stranded on the highway is pretty much the only thing I can think of at this point. I already pay above the minimum payment, but it will never go down if I keep on swiping. At the end of the first part of this test of wills, when I get my next pay check, I will use whatever is left over in the bank and put it towards the card with the highest interest.

I've made mistakes, there is nothing I can do now, but work towards fixing them. I have a dream and a goal that one day I am going to live a life without any credit cards. I'm going to go against the American way in this case and really strive to live WITHIN MY MEANS!

Wish me luck.

Long Time...No Post

So it has been a very long time since I wrote anything on here. I just got so caught up in the end of the school year and all that comes with it. As of now, I have graduated from The Actors Studio Drama School with an MFA in Acting.

Right now, I'm starting the audition thing again. It is discouraging at times, but I know that something is in store for me, I just have to keep going out and searching for it. I'm still working part time. I'm finishing up my yoga certification. And I'm just looking for small jobs on the side.

People ask me what I got a degree for if I am just going to be working part-time jobs for now...Well, this is just temporary. I need to figure things out. I need to do the audition thing so I don't regret things down the road. I'm not a person who is interested in getting rich, I'm just interested in getting my finances together within the next few weeks and being able to get by. Pay some rent, pay some credit card bills, and eat every now and then....and, oh yeah, deal with student loans when they begin to give my an ulcer.

I'm reading this book called "The Renaissance Soul" and realizing that it talks about my life. I am never going to be the person who has a 9-5 job and there is nothing wrong with that. Certain people will never understand it, but that is ok. You don't have to understand - you can just be supportive. I have so many interests in life and have so many things that I am good at that I am going to be just fine.

I hope you all are well. I miss people.

Stay positive.

Gratitude

About a month ago I started a Gradtitude Journal. I keep it right next to my bed and every night I write at least 5 things that happened that day for which I am thankful. With the exception of two nights, I have kept on writing.

I have heard of this idea in many different forms over the years. So I'm doing my own version. It's helping me to put things in perspective and making me realize what a lucky person I am. Even on the days that it is hard to come up with 5 things, it is just as rewarding as the days that I am able to write 20. It also helps me to realize how silly and petty certain things are, and I am able to really just let go of the negative.

On another note....my website is driving me crazy! I am trying to get it to launch and I can't. It is the one thing that is really frustrating. But, I shall learn eventually.

It's Been Such a Long Time

It has been a very long time since I wrote on this thing. It mostly has to do with the fact that school is crazy, I was very sick, and once winter break came, I just needed a lot of time to work on myself.

So here I am. Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester of school...for now ;-). And here I am procrastinating like I always do. Some things will never change I guess. But, I have changed a lot. After dealing with being extremely sick from the minute I walked in the door on the last day of last semester until New Year's, and then having some horrific stomach virus/food poisoning...I have made it. I've done a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks and have learned some really great things about myself.

I have finally made some decisions that will allow me to make a path for myself over the next few months for when I graduate. I'm trying to get several documents together so I can apply to be an Adjunct Professor at a few different schools. Or maybe I can get a few different teaching gigs. I have been doing a lot of networking over the past few works so I am feeling a little more positive about things. I sit everyday and envision what life will be like once I am done with school because I believe that if we have faith in ourselves, our goals will actually happen.

I have been dealing with a few difficult situations over the past few weeks, but I have learned to be content with the way things are and know that it will all be alright eventually. I have learned that people make mistakes and things might not be exactly what we thought they were, but we just keep moving forward. It is all part of some great plan that God has made just for me.

Another great thing that I have done is the "21 Days of Yoga" challenge. Tomorrow is the last day. I have practiced every single day except one due to an emergency. The benefits have been amazing. I feel wonderful and have realized the divinity in myself that God has created, and it has allowed me to really changed my relationships with people. I noticed that I am more willing to help. I am not as quickly angered. I am less likely to judge someone. And I could just go on and on. My teacher training is going wonderfully. I am getting more and more confident as the days go by. I'm excited to learn so many more great things.

Tomorrow is a new day. We shall see what happens. But, what I do know is the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I am going to be from this day forward. I can't change anyone and I can no longer do everything for everyone. I am putting myself first and allowing myself and my work to grow.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

The Unexpected Miracle of Meditation

As you all know, I LOVE yoga. I have mostly just concentrated on the asana part of it, but now that it is becoming a bigger part of my life, other aspects are slowly becoming a part of my daily routine.

As part of my last weekend at teacher training, I had to develope a home practice. This is something that I have struggled with, mostly because I am a perfectionist. "If you can't do it right, then don't do it at all." But then I realized...what is right about a home practice?

So I put out my mat, put on Shiva Rae, and jumped on. I chose to do a lunar practice, which did wonders for what I needed that day. After the asana practice was over, I decided that I would meditate today.

But, I hate meditating. I really do. I get all jumpy and think about ten thousand things. But, I was determined that today was going to be the day that I just sit on my pillow and not judge anything. So, I decided to use my mala beads for help this time. I used the "Lokah samasta sukhino bavantu" mantra. For those of you that don't know what mala beads are, they are basically what rosary beads came from. You use them to guide your meditation. So I sat there and said my mantra 108 times. At the start all I kept wondering was when this was going to finish. But something strange happened toward the end. As I got lost in the words of the mantra, someone's face started to appear in front of me. He had the biggest smile I have ever seen; he made me smile. Then I felt as if that person was hugging me and saying "Don't worry. You are doing exactly what you need to do." And then he laughed. And as I sat there I wondered "Who is this man? Where do I know this face from? It is a face that is so familiar to me?" Then I realized...it was Neem Karoli Baba (Maharaj-ji)! Of course he would come to me while I said this mantra!

It was such a powerful experience that I began to cry and cry and cry. They were not tears of sorrow, but they were not tears of joy either. It was just something that was pouring out of me. If you are unfamiliar with this mantra it means:

"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and that freedom for all."

So...I will be meditating from now on and just maybe I will get a glimpse of that joyous face for just one more instant. Peace to all of you!

It Has Been Forever....

Yes, I know...it has been awhile since my last entry. I'm very sorry to all of my readers out there - all 2 of you, one being me and the other my mother.

Since my last entry...

I have completed on full weekend of Bright Spirit Yoga Certification. It is so wonderful and I feel so blessed to be doing this right now in my life. My next weekend starts tomorrow!

I have been in school for a good amount of time now. I just finished working on "Angels in America" and I will be moving on to a new scene for that class. I'm working on a Juliet monologue for my Classics class. Voice class has me memorizing lots of crazy things - Dylan Thomas "Under Milk Wood" being one of them. Movement is awesome as always. And then there is my thesis project. As of now, it is still "Gypsy," which I am SO excited about, but we still have to hear if we will be given the rights.

Work is great. I love working at St. Peter's College. I get to sing in the choir since I am a staff member. Singing is something I really miss doing on a regular basis, so I am glad I have the choir.

Otherwise, I just wish I had more time to paint, but right now that just isn't possible. It makes me sad. :-( But I do have tons of other amazing things going on in my life.

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed though. But I'm really trying my best to just take one day at a time. It's hard to do though when the work just keeps piling on. Oh well....I will just have to go and sing and dance around the living room to destress.

Peace and Love

It Has Begun.....

The thing that I have been waiting for has begun. School has started. My job has started. Rehearsals have started. Teacher training is starting this week. It has all started. So in the middle of the hectic things, I want to just take a moment to say what I am appreciative of right now in my life. My friend Liz recently did this in a blog post and it made me want to do it for myself. (Thanks Liz!)

1) Caffeine. I stopped drinking coffee and limited my caffeine intact, but I recently started again and boy it is a life saver for me at some moments. I don't drink and smoke, so let me have this one unhealthy thing.

2) My family. They love me and I love them.

3) Farmer's Markets. I love them and can't get enough of them. There is nothing like eating a locally grown meal filled with FRESH vegetables and fruits. Sadly they will soon be closing as the weather changes, but at this point I am loving it!

4) Yoga. It has changed my life. I have noticed a difference in myself in school this year. I'm not as nervous as I always was. And I love myself more than ever.

5) Greg aka Gregorias aka Gregifer aka Greric. He is so good to me and I am eternally grateful for that.

6) Cheese Doodles. But, only the puffed ones! Really!? Does anyone eat the crunchy? If so....they need to stop that now.

Peace

I'm Kind of Shocked...

I'm kind of shocked at myself, at my friends, and at our American society. Why have we allowed Facebook to run our lives?

Does anyone remember the days when you had to go knock on your friends door to ask if they wanted to ride your bikes? No? Ok, well how about this? Does anyone remember when you had to pick up the phone and call your friend to ask if you wanted to go to a movie? No? Ok, well how about this? Does anyone remember when you had to pick up your phone and type in some letters to text your friend if they wanted to meet up at the bar? Now, we just have a generation of people that see nothing wrong with communicating solely through a screen and a keyboard and that makes me really sad.

We are making people think that it's ok to be passive aggressive. Facebook doesn't let you act any other way. If I have a problem with someone, I can just write their name and let everyone know just how much I hate them. I can make up lies about people (and yes, this has personally happened to me) and put them on a website for everyone to see. I don't have to call my family anymore to check up on them, I can just go look at their profile and see if they have signed in within the past few days. I am shocked that this has become an acceptable way to live.

Actually, I'm not shocked because it was bound to happen. I am just sad. I am so sad that kids will never experience life without music playing in their ears or a DS in their hands (that's a handheld video game for all you old folks out there). I am sad that there is a generation of people (and sadly it does include my own) who consider their Facebook friends their actual friends.

So, as part of my mission to simplify my life, I have simplified my Facebook. If you don't have the decency to speak to me in person when I come across you on the street, or if I haven't seen you since grammar school, you will not be my Facebook friend. There was a time when Facebook didn't exist, and once people left your life, that is where they stayed unless you made an effort to keep them there.

Facebook will now be used for school contacts, professional contacts, family, and people that I see on a regular basis because there is no need for anyone else to know anything about my life. This all came about when my boyfriend and I started debating whether someone would get angry at me from deleting them from my Facebook page. Now, this person hates me and doesn't speak to me at all in the real world. So why have them be my "friend"? So they can stalk me...no thanks! I will no longer stalk or be stalked.

Let's talk face to face about our problems. And let's talk face to face about how much we love each other. It really will make a difference.

Ok....I'm done.

The Calm Before the Tempest

So, I recently got back from a short, but needed and well-deserved vacation in Atlantic City.  My beau and I needed to get away from all of the craziness and just take some time to reconnect with each other.  All in all, it was a great time filled with losing money, eating AMAZING (did I say amazing) pizza, relaxing by the pool, and some pleasant shopping.

So now I'm waiting...waiting...waiting for school to start.  Waiting for my new job to start.  Waiting for my teacher training to begin.  This seems to be the time of the year when I feel most anxious, but something is different about this year than previous years.  I am much calmer; not really nervous about what is ahead.  Maybe that is because I have been practicing yoga more than I ever have in the past.  And I'm at a point where I am really trying to just take one day at a time and I will cross bridges when I get to them. 

Something I would like to address.....

Expectations.

I am really learning how to not expect anymore.  I would be lying to say that I never expect a thing, but I am really getting better at it.  Expectations lead us down the wrong path.  When I expect my beau to act a certain way, or I expect someone to smile back at me, or I expect my students to love my lessons, I am really just trying to control everything.  And what happens when our expectations aren't met?  I know that I let it ruin my attitude and then I let it influence the rest of the day.  So instead of expecting something and getting angry, try to keep an open mind.  Try to understand that you are leaving an opportunity for something amazing to happen to you.  By allowing the unexpected we are also teaching our hearts to experience things right as they happen in that very moment...which is why I love the Method, but that's another story.

Don't expect, just live and enjoy.

Thoughts are flowing....

So the show is over and I feel like I have my life back. The show was a great experience filled with MANY lessons. I always like to use every situation (good or bad) as a learning experience for the professional and person I want to be. Needless to say, I think I have proved again that I am a person of integrity and peace. MOVING ON.............

Since I have my life back, I've been able to spend time with the man that is the love of my life. Really? Could this be? I'm getting to go out to dinner with my boyfriend and sit on the couch and watch useless tv together (which he hates, but knows that it is my guilty pleasure, so he just smiles and joins along).

So along this new way of living, I was hanging out with him last night. And because of my obsessive compulsive problems with cleaning I just couldn't help but help him clean his room. Really I don't mind doing it and he in no way forces me to clean up after him. It's just something I like doing. Organizing other people's stuff and helping them feel more at peace is something that I really love doing. So once we were done and had moved furniture around, I realized something. I am good at this. Seriously, I am really good at organizing people's things; helping them to figure out what they should keep and what they need to get rid of. I'm good at uncluttering their physical surroundings, which in turn will help to unclutter their mind. A clear mind improves a lot of things.

So instead of a Doggy Daycare, which I have no clue how to run, I'm thinking that I need to do something with this gift I have been given. I'm going to be going on a Dharma Discovery in November, and I think this will be my main focus of that retreat. I'm thinking of running a business out of my house to help organize people. It is something that people always need help with and I am good at it.

So here are some ideas (with some help from one of my own gurus) for what I will call myself:
Organizational Guru
Organizational Consultant
Unify Your Universe

Let me know what you think of this idea. I'm really excited and am seriously considering this opportunity that the universe just gave me.

Jai Guru Deva!

My Great Ideas

Life has been interesting lately. Jesus Christ Superstar is opening on Friday. Rehearsals are going well and I can't wait for everyone to see it.

I find that the closer I get to a peacefully place, the more my anxiety problems try to take over. It will be an ongoing dance for the rest of my life. I can't even say that I wish for anxiety to go away totally because I wouldn't be human, but it would be nice.

Today as I wast telling my longtime friend Tom about my newest idea...something dawned on me. Well, the idea is to open a Doggy Daycare in Hoboken, NJ because EVERYONE has a dog in Hoboken, but there really aren't any places to leave them. Tom immediately said "But, you have never owned a dog!" As we laughed I came up with the idea that I would handle the business end of everything and then he reminded me "But, you don't know anything about running a business." And as we laughed harder, I realized that I have SO many ideas and SO many plans for the future, but I really need to set some goals and make plans for fulfilling them. Of course, we don't know anything about the future since we are only promised this present moment, but setting some sort of general direction and route are the things I like to do.

It is amazing to look back at life and realize that every single thing we have done has led up to this very moment. Even all of those awful things we have had to go through. Just this past month a whole new world of yoga was opened up to me and I thought "Wow, two years ago I never would have imagined that I would be entering a yoga teacher certification." How did I get here? I joined the program because I loved the Immersion. I joined the immersion because I just love the community of Devotion Yoga. I joined Devotion because I was looking for a new studio. Looking for a new studio because of new things I was learning at school. Etc.....

So....some ideas I have for the upcoming year:
Start and finish my 200 hr. YA certification at Devotion Yoga
Graduate from The Actors Studio Drama School with an MFA
Find a way to sell my art
Find a job that I can make my own schedule and have health insurance.
Find a place to live
Get an agent

So there it is universe. The realistic things I plan to work on. No dogs involved (although I do want to own one eventually). If any of you feel like sending some information my way that might help me out with these tasks, please feel free to contact me.

Namaste.

Hello

I have never blogged before, so I want to see what this is all about. My purpose of this blog is to record certain things that go on in my life as I enter my last year of study at The Actor's Studio Drama School from where I will be receiving my MFA in Acting.

People always look at my funny when I tell them I'm getting a degree in acting. Some of the common responses I get....."Yeah, but what do you really want to do with your life? Like what kind of real job do you want?" or my other favorite: "Oh how cute. We have a little actress on our hands. School must be so hard for you. Do you get tired from all the acting you do all day?" But, every once in awhile you come across a person who really respects what you do and how much of an honor it is to be at my school.

I love what I do. And yes, I am scared to death that I will not have enough money to eat, but I know that one day everything is going to be alright and that I will succeed. And success doesn't mean that I am a famous actor on Broadway or in Hollywood. But it does mean that I am happy with what I am doing, whether it is as a yoga instructor/actor/painter/mother/wife/clown/peace keeper/hippie/love maker.

I hope that whoever reads this gets an understanding of what I do and that I know the path ahead of me is a hard one, but I am willing to take it.

Peace and Love!