Long Time...No Post

So it has been a very long time since I wrote anything on here. I just got so caught up in the end of the school year and all that comes with it. As of now, I have graduated from The Actors Studio Drama School with an MFA in Acting.

Right now, I'm starting the audition thing again. It is discouraging at times, but I know that something is in store for me, I just have to keep going out and searching for it. I'm still working part time. I'm finishing up my yoga certification. And I'm just looking for small jobs on the side.

People ask me what I got a degree for if I am just going to be working part-time jobs for now...Well, this is just temporary. I need to figure things out. I need to do the audition thing so I don't regret things down the road. I'm not a person who is interested in getting rich, I'm just interested in getting my finances together within the next few weeks and being able to get by. Pay some rent, pay some credit card bills, and eat every now and then....and, oh yeah, deal with student loans when they begin to give my an ulcer.

I'm reading this book called "The Renaissance Soul" and realizing that it talks about my life. I am never going to be the person who has a 9-5 job and there is nothing wrong with that. Certain people will never understand it, but that is ok. You don't have to understand - you can just be supportive. I have so many interests in life and have so many things that I am good at that I am going to be just fine.

I hope you all are well. I miss people.

Stay positive.

Gratitude

About a month ago I started a Gradtitude Journal. I keep it right next to my bed and every night I write at least 5 things that happened that day for which I am thankful. With the exception of two nights, I have kept on writing.

I have heard of this idea in many different forms over the years. So I'm doing my own version. It's helping me to put things in perspective and making me realize what a lucky person I am. Even on the days that it is hard to come up with 5 things, it is just as rewarding as the days that I am able to write 20. It also helps me to realize how silly and petty certain things are, and I am able to really just let go of the negative.

On another note....my website is driving me crazy! I am trying to get it to launch and I can't. It is the one thing that is really frustrating. But, I shall learn eventually.

It's Been Such a Long Time

It has been a very long time since I wrote on this thing. It mostly has to do with the fact that school is crazy, I was very sick, and once winter break came, I just needed a lot of time to work on myself.

So here I am. Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester of school...for now ;-). And here I am procrastinating like I always do. Some things will never change I guess. But, I have changed a lot. After dealing with being extremely sick from the minute I walked in the door on the last day of last semester until New Year's, and then having some horrific stomach virus/food poisoning...I have made it. I've done a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks and have learned some really great things about myself.

I have finally made some decisions that will allow me to make a path for myself over the next few months for when I graduate. I'm trying to get several documents together so I can apply to be an Adjunct Professor at a few different schools. Or maybe I can get a few different teaching gigs. I have been doing a lot of networking over the past few works so I am feeling a little more positive about things. I sit everyday and envision what life will be like once I am done with school because I believe that if we have faith in ourselves, our goals will actually happen.

I have been dealing with a few difficult situations over the past few weeks, but I have learned to be content with the way things are and know that it will all be alright eventually. I have learned that people make mistakes and things might not be exactly what we thought they were, but we just keep moving forward. It is all part of some great plan that God has made just for me.

Another great thing that I have done is the "21 Days of Yoga" challenge. Tomorrow is the last day. I have practiced every single day except one due to an emergency. The benefits have been amazing. I feel wonderful and have realized the divinity in myself that God has created, and it has allowed me to really changed my relationships with people. I noticed that I am more willing to help. I am not as quickly angered. I am less likely to judge someone. And I could just go on and on. My teacher training is going wonderfully. I am getting more and more confident as the days go by. I'm excited to learn so many more great things.

Tomorrow is a new day. We shall see what happens. But, what I do know is the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I am going to be from this day forward. I can't change anyone and I can no longer do everything for everyone. I am putting myself first and allowing myself and my work to grow.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

The Unexpected Miracle of Meditation

As you all know, I LOVE yoga. I have mostly just concentrated on the asana part of it, but now that it is becoming a bigger part of my life, other aspects are slowly becoming a part of my daily routine.

As part of my last weekend at teacher training, I had to develope a home practice. This is something that I have struggled with, mostly because I am a perfectionist. "If you can't do it right, then don't do it at all." But then I realized...what is right about a home practice?

So I put out my mat, put on Shiva Rae, and jumped on. I chose to do a lunar practice, which did wonders for what I needed that day. After the asana practice was over, I decided that I would meditate today.

But, I hate meditating. I really do. I get all jumpy and think about ten thousand things. But, I was determined that today was going to be the day that I just sit on my pillow and not judge anything. So, I decided to use my mala beads for help this time. I used the "Lokah samasta sukhino bavantu" mantra. For those of you that don't know what mala beads are, they are basically what rosary beads came from. You use them to guide your meditation. So I sat there and said my mantra 108 times. At the start all I kept wondering was when this was going to finish. But something strange happened toward the end. As I got lost in the words of the mantra, someone's face started to appear in front of me. He had the biggest smile I have ever seen; he made me smile. Then I felt as if that person was hugging me and saying "Don't worry. You are doing exactly what you need to do." And then he laughed. And as I sat there I wondered "Who is this man? Where do I know this face from? It is a face that is so familiar to me?" Then I realized...it was Neem Karoli Baba (Maharaj-ji)! Of course he would come to me while I said this mantra!

It was such a powerful experience that I began to cry and cry and cry. They were not tears of sorrow, but they were not tears of joy either. It was just something that was pouring out of me. If you are unfamiliar with this mantra it means:

"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and that freedom for all."

So...I will be meditating from now on and just maybe I will get a glimpse of that joyous face for just one more instant. Peace to all of you!

It Has Been Forever....

Yes, I know...it has been awhile since my last entry. I'm very sorry to all of my readers out there - all 2 of you, one being me and the other my mother.

Since my last entry...

I have completed on full weekend of Bright Spirit Yoga Certification. It is so wonderful and I feel so blessed to be doing this right now in my life. My next weekend starts tomorrow!

I have been in school for a good amount of time now. I just finished working on "Angels in America" and I will be moving on to a new scene for that class. I'm working on a Juliet monologue for my Classics class. Voice class has me memorizing lots of crazy things - Dylan Thomas "Under Milk Wood" being one of them. Movement is awesome as always. And then there is my thesis project. As of now, it is still "Gypsy," which I am SO excited about, but we still have to hear if we will be given the rights.

Work is great. I love working at St. Peter's College. I get to sing in the choir since I am a staff member. Singing is something I really miss doing on a regular basis, so I am glad I have the choir.

Otherwise, I just wish I had more time to paint, but right now that just isn't possible. It makes me sad. :-( But I do have tons of other amazing things going on in my life.

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed though. But I'm really trying my best to just take one day at a time. It's hard to do though when the work just keeps piling on. Oh well....I will just have to go and sing and dance around the living room to destress.

Peace and Love

It Has Begun.....

The thing that I have been waiting for has begun. School has started. My job has started. Rehearsals have started. Teacher training is starting this week. It has all started. So in the middle of the hectic things, I want to just take a moment to say what I am appreciative of right now in my life. My friend Liz recently did this in a blog post and it made me want to do it for myself. (Thanks Liz!)

1) Caffeine. I stopped drinking coffee and limited my caffeine intact, but I recently started again and boy it is a life saver for me at some moments. I don't drink and smoke, so let me have this one unhealthy thing.

2) My family. They love me and I love them.

3) Farmer's Markets. I love them and can't get enough of them. There is nothing like eating a locally grown meal filled with FRESH vegetables and fruits. Sadly they will soon be closing as the weather changes, but at this point I am loving it!

4) Yoga. It has changed my life. I have noticed a difference in myself in school this year. I'm not as nervous as I always was. And I love myself more than ever.

5) Greg aka Gregorias aka Gregifer aka Greric. He is so good to me and I am eternally grateful for that.

6) Cheese Doodles. But, only the puffed ones! Really!? Does anyone eat the crunchy? If so....they need to stop that now.

Peace

I'm Kind of Shocked...

I'm kind of shocked at myself, at my friends, and at our American society. Why have we allowed Facebook to run our lives?

Does anyone remember the days when you had to go knock on your friends door to ask if they wanted to ride your bikes? No? Ok, well how about this? Does anyone remember when you had to pick up the phone and call your friend to ask if you wanted to go to a movie? No? Ok, well how about this? Does anyone remember when you had to pick up your phone and type in some letters to text your friend if they wanted to meet up at the bar? Now, we just have a generation of people that see nothing wrong with communicating solely through a screen and a keyboard and that makes me really sad.

We are making people think that it's ok to be passive aggressive. Facebook doesn't let you act any other way. If I have a problem with someone, I can just write their name and let everyone know just how much I hate them. I can make up lies about people (and yes, this has personally happened to me) and put them on a website for everyone to see. I don't have to call my family anymore to check up on them, I can just go look at their profile and see if they have signed in within the past few days. I am shocked that this has become an acceptable way to live.

Actually, I'm not shocked because it was bound to happen. I am just sad. I am so sad that kids will never experience life without music playing in their ears or a DS in their hands (that's a handheld video game for all you old folks out there). I am sad that there is a generation of people (and sadly it does include my own) who consider their Facebook friends their actual friends.

So, as part of my mission to simplify my life, I have simplified my Facebook. If you don't have the decency to speak to me in person when I come across you on the street, or if I haven't seen you since grammar school, you will not be my Facebook friend. There was a time when Facebook didn't exist, and once people left your life, that is where they stayed unless you made an effort to keep them there.

Facebook will now be used for school contacts, professional contacts, family, and people that I see on a regular basis because there is no need for anyone else to know anything about my life. This all came about when my boyfriend and I started debating whether someone would get angry at me from deleting them from my Facebook page. Now, this person hates me and doesn't speak to me at all in the real world. So why have them be my "friend"? So they can stalk me...no thanks! I will no longer stalk or be stalked.

Let's talk face to face about our problems. And let's talk face to face about how much we love each other. It really will make a difference.

Ok....I'm done.