The Unexpected Miracle of Meditation

As you all know, I LOVE yoga. I have mostly just concentrated on the asana part of it, but now that it is becoming a bigger part of my life, other aspects are slowly becoming a part of my daily routine.

As part of my last weekend at teacher training, I had to develope a home practice. This is something that I have struggled with, mostly because I am a perfectionist. "If you can't do it right, then don't do it at all." But then I realized...what is right about a home practice?

So I put out my mat, put on Shiva Rae, and jumped on. I chose to do a lunar practice, which did wonders for what I needed that day. After the asana practice was over, I decided that I would meditate today.

But, I hate meditating. I really do. I get all jumpy and think about ten thousand things. But, I was determined that today was going to be the day that I just sit on my pillow and not judge anything. So, I decided to use my mala beads for help this time. I used the "Lokah samasta sukhino bavantu" mantra. For those of you that don't know what mala beads are, they are basically what rosary beads came from. You use them to guide your meditation. So I sat there and said my mantra 108 times. At the start all I kept wondering was when this was going to finish. But something strange happened toward the end. As I got lost in the words of the mantra, someone's face started to appear in front of me. He had the biggest smile I have ever seen; he made me smile. Then I felt as if that person was hugging me and saying "Don't worry. You are doing exactly what you need to do." And then he laughed. And as I sat there I wondered "Who is this man? Where do I know this face from? It is a face that is so familiar to me?" Then I realized...it was Neem Karoli Baba (Maharaj-ji)! Of course he would come to me while I said this mantra!

It was such a powerful experience that I began to cry and cry and cry. They were not tears of sorrow, but they were not tears of joy either. It was just something that was pouring out of me. If you are unfamiliar with this mantra it means:

"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and that freedom for all."

So...I will be meditating from now on and just maybe I will get a glimpse of that joyous face for just one more instant. Peace to all of you!

It Has Been Forever....

Yes, I know...it has been awhile since my last entry. I'm very sorry to all of my readers out there - all 2 of you, one being me and the other my mother.

Since my last entry...

I have completed on full weekend of Bright Spirit Yoga Certification. It is so wonderful and I feel so blessed to be doing this right now in my life. My next weekend starts tomorrow!

I have been in school for a good amount of time now. I just finished working on "Angels in America" and I will be moving on to a new scene for that class. I'm working on a Juliet monologue for my Classics class. Voice class has me memorizing lots of crazy things - Dylan Thomas "Under Milk Wood" being one of them. Movement is awesome as always. And then there is my thesis project. As of now, it is still "Gypsy," which I am SO excited about, but we still have to hear if we will be given the rights.

Work is great. I love working at St. Peter's College. I get to sing in the choir since I am a staff member. Singing is something I really miss doing on a regular basis, so I am glad I have the choir.

Otherwise, I just wish I had more time to paint, but right now that just isn't possible. It makes me sad. :-( But I do have tons of other amazing things going on in my life.

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed though. But I'm really trying my best to just take one day at a time. It's hard to do though when the work just keeps piling on. Oh well....I will just have to go and sing and dance around the living room to destress.

Peace and Love

It Has Begun.....

The thing that I have been waiting for has begun. School has started. My job has started. Rehearsals have started. Teacher training is starting this week. It has all started. So in the middle of the hectic things, I want to just take a moment to say what I am appreciative of right now in my life. My friend Liz recently did this in a blog post and it made me want to do it for myself. (Thanks Liz!)

1) Caffeine. I stopped drinking coffee and limited my caffeine intact, but I recently started again and boy it is a life saver for me at some moments. I don't drink and smoke, so let me have this one unhealthy thing.

2) My family. They love me and I love them.

3) Farmer's Markets. I love them and can't get enough of them. There is nothing like eating a locally grown meal filled with FRESH vegetables and fruits. Sadly they will soon be closing as the weather changes, but at this point I am loving it!

4) Yoga. It has changed my life. I have noticed a difference in myself in school this year. I'm not as nervous as I always was. And I love myself more than ever.

5) Greg aka Gregorias aka Gregifer aka Greric. He is so good to me and I am eternally grateful for that.

6) Cheese Doodles. But, only the puffed ones! Really!? Does anyone eat the crunchy? If so....they need to stop that now.

Peace

I'm Kind of Shocked...

I'm kind of shocked at myself, at my friends, and at our American society. Why have we allowed Facebook to run our lives?

Does anyone remember the days when you had to go knock on your friends door to ask if they wanted to ride your bikes? No? Ok, well how about this? Does anyone remember when you had to pick up the phone and call your friend to ask if you wanted to go to a movie? No? Ok, well how about this? Does anyone remember when you had to pick up your phone and type in some letters to text your friend if they wanted to meet up at the bar? Now, we just have a generation of people that see nothing wrong with communicating solely through a screen and a keyboard and that makes me really sad.

We are making people think that it's ok to be passive aggressive. Facebook doesn't let you act any other way. If I have a problem with someone, I can just write their name and let everyone know just how much I hate them. I can make up lies about people (and yes, this has personally happened to me) and put them on a website for everyone to see. I don't have to call my family anymore to check up on them, I can just go look at their profile and see if they have signed in within the past few days. I am shocked that this has become an acceptable way to live.

Actually, I'm not shocked because it was bound to happen. I am just sad. I am so sad that kids will never experience life without music playing in their ears or a DS in their hands (that's a handheld video game for all you old folks out there). I am sad that there is a generation of people (and sadly it does include my own) who consider their Facebook friends their actual friends.

So, as part of my mission to simplify my life, I have simplified my Facebook. If you don't have the decency to speak to me in person when I come across you on the street, or if I haven't seen you since grammar school, you will not be my Facebook friend. There was a time when Facebook didn't exist, and once people left your life, that is where they stayed unless you made an effort to keep them there.

Facebook will now be used for school contacts, professional contacts, family, and people that I see on a regular basis because there is no need for anyone else to know anything about my life. This all came about when my boyfriend and I started debating whether someone would get angry at me from deleting them from my Facebook page. Now, this person hates me and doesn't speak to me at all in the real world. So why have them be my "friend"? So they can stalk me...no thanks! I will no longer stalk or be stalked.

Let's talk face to face about our problems. And let's talk face to face about how much we love each other. It really will make a difference.

Ok....I'm done.

The Calm Before the Tempest

So, I recently got back from a short, but needed and well-deserved vacation in Atlantic City.  My beau and I needed to get away from all of the craziness and just take some time to reconnect with each other.  All in all, it was a great time filled with losing money, eating AMAZING (did I say amazing) pizza, relaxing by the pool, and some pleasant shopping.

So now I'm waiting...waiting...waiting for school to start.  Waiting for my new job to start.  Waiting for my teacher training to begin.  This seems to be the time of the year when I feel most anxious, but something is different about this year than previous years.  I am much calmer; not really nervous about what is ahead.  Maybe that is because I have been practicing yoga more than I ever have in the past.  And I'm at a point where I am really trying to just take one day at a time and I will cross bridges when I get to them. 

Something I would like to address.....

Expectations.

I am really learning how to not expect anymore.  I would be lying to say that I never expect a thing, but I am really getting better at it.  Expectations lead us down the wrong path.  When I expect my beau to act a certain way, or I expect someone to smile back at me, or I expect my students to love my lessons, I am really just trying to control everything.  And what happens when our expectations aren't met?  I know that I let it ruin my attitude and then I let it influence the rest of the day.  So instead of expecting something and getting angry, try to keep an open mind.  Try to understand that you are leaving an opportunity for something amazing to happen to you.  By allowing the unexpected we are also teaching our hearts to experience things right as they happen in that very moment...which is why I love the Method, but that's another story.

Don't expect, just live and enjoy.

Thoughts are flowing....

So the show is over and I feel like I have my life back. The show was a great experience filled with MANY lessons. I always like to use every situation (good or bad) as a learning experience for the professional and person I want to be. Needless to say, I think I have proved again that I am a person of integrity and peace. MOVING ON.............

Since I have my life back, I've been able to spend time with the man that is the love of my life. Really? Could this be? I'm getting to go out to dinner with my boyfriend and sit on the couch and watch useless tv together (which he hates, but knows that it is my guilty pleasure, so he just smiles and joins along).

So along this new way of living, I was hanging out with him last night. And because of my obsessive compulsive problems with cleaning I just couldn't help but help him clean his room. Really I don't mind doing it and he in no way forces me to clean up after him. It's just something I like doing. Organizing other people's stuff and helping them feel more at peace is something that I really love doing. So once we were done and had moved furniture around, I realized something. I am good at this. Seriously, I am really good at organizing people's things; helping them to figure out what they should keep and what they need to get rid of. I'm good at uncluttering their physical surroundings, which in turn will help to unclutter their mind. A clear mind improves a lot of things.

So instead of a Doggy Daycare, which I have no clue how to run, I'm thinking that I need to do something with this gift I have been given. I'm going to be going on a Dharma Discovery in November, and I think this will be my main focus of that retreat. I'm thinking of running a business out of my house to help organize people. It is something that people always need help with and I am good at it.

So here are some ideas (with some help from one of my own gurus) for what I will call myself:
Organizational Guru
Organizational Consultant
Unify Your Universe

Let me know what you think of this idea. I'm really excited and am seriously considering this opportunity that the universe just gave me.

Jai Guru Deva!

My Great Ideas

Life has been interesting lately. Jesus Christ Superstar is opening on Friday. Rehearsals are going well and I can't wait for everyone to see it.

I find that the closer I get to a peacefully place, the more my anxiety problems try to take over. It will be an ongoing dance for the rest of my life. I can't even say that I wish for anxiety to go away totally because I wouldn't be human, but it would be nice.

Today as I wast telling my longtime friend Tom about my newest idea...something dawned on me. Well, the idea is to open a Doggy Daycare in Hoboken, NJ because EVERYONE has a dog in Hoboken, but there really aren't any places to leave them. Tom immediately said "But, you have never owned a dog!" As we laughed I came up with the idea that I would handle the business end of everything and then he reminded me "But, you don't know anything about running a business." And as we laughed harder, I realized that I have SO many ideas and SO many plans for the future, but I really need to set some goals and make plans for fulfilling them. Of course, we don't know anything about the future since we are only promised this present moment, but setting some sort of general direction and route are the things I like to do.

It is amazing to look back at life and realize that every single thing we have done has led up to this very moment. Even all of those awful things we have had to go through. Just this past month a whole new world of yoga was opened up to me and I thought "Wow, two years ago I never would have imagined that I would be entering a yoga teacher certification." How did I get here? I joined the program because I loved the Immersion. I joined the immersion because I just love the community of Devotion Yoga. I joined Devotion because I was looking for a new studio. Looking for a new studio because of new things I was learning at school. Etc.....

So....some ideas I have for the upcoming year:
Start and finish my 200 hr. YA certification at Devotion Yoga
Graduate from The Actors Studio Drama School with an MFA
Find a way to sell my art
Find a job that I can make my own schedule and have health insurance.
Find a place to live
Get an agent

So there it is universe. The realistic things I plan to work on. No dogs involved (although I do want to own one eventually). If any of you feel like sending some information my way that might help me out with these tasks, please feel free to contact me.

Namaste.

Hello

I have never blogged before, so I want to see what this is all about. My purpose of this blog is to record certain things that go on in my life as I enter my last year of study at The Actor's Studio Drama School from where I will be receiving my MFA in Acting.

People always look at my funny when I tell them I'm getting a degree in acting. Some of the common responses I get....."Yeah, but what do you really want to do with your life? Like what kind of real job do you want?" or my other favorite: "Oh how cute. We have a little actress on our hands. School must be so hard for you. Do you get tired from all the acting you do all day?" But, every once in awhile you come across a person who really respects what you do and how much of an honor it is to be at my school.

I love what I do. And yes, I am scared to death that I will not have enough money to eat, but I know that one day everything is going to be alright and that I will succeed. And success doesn't mean that I am a famous actor on Broadway or in Hollywood. But it does mean that I am happy with what I am doing, whether it is as a yoga instructor/actor/painter/mother/wife/clown/peace keeper/hippie/love maker.

I hope that whoever reads this gets an understanding of what I do and that I know the path ahead of me is a hard one, but I am willing to take it.

Peace and Love!